Safety Recall

As a Site-To-Store Associate at Walmart, I spend a lot of time in the area that used to be Layaway. Its located in the middle of the back wall, where you will also find bathrooms, water fountains, and, of course, the safety recall board. This is perhaps the most hilarious/alarming/are-you-friggin-kidding-me area of the entire store. During a particularly slow period of my shift, I traveled beyond the desk and looked at the items on the board. Items recalled are as follows.


Highchairs: "Severe Lacerations"
Apparently a certain brand of highchair not only lets you feed your baby while including it in family meals, it also can shred it to pieces....particularly horrifying.

Baby Food: "Acute Diarrhea"
Not just Diarrhea. ACUTE DIARRHEA!! I don't really want to play out scenarios in my head of this, but I imagine that could get pretty messy.

Trampoline: "Failure to meet weight capacity requirements"
Will break you bones, and destroy your self esteem when you look at the box and see that you single-handedly broke a trampoline supposedly designed to withstand over 1000lbs of weight bouncing up and down on it. Nobody wants to be "That Guy" at the birthday party.


Water-Activated Flashlight: "Electrocution"
First off, unless I'm spear-fishing for Barracudas in the Amazon at one in the morning, I don't really see a need for a water-activated flashlight. Secondly, I would never trust it not to zap me. So when I heard that this flashlight had a tendency to electrocute its users while submerged in water, I wasn't exactly, well....shocked.

Lawn Mower: "Involuntary Engine Startage/Risk of projectile blades"
I think of it as "Brave Little Toaster" meets "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". This definitely reignites the instinctive distrust of yard equipment I've had ever since I was electrocuted by my weed-eater. Aside from the obvious physical dangers and potentially catastrophic events this type of defect could create, think also of the mental damage this could do. Somewhere there is a child who is always sitting in his room grounded for refusing to mow the lawn based on his conclusions that Lawn Mower is alive. "Dad, I swear it starts by itself and starts flinging the blades at me!!!", followed by a response from the Dad: "C'mon Nancy! Stop slacking and get to work!!". Best case scenario, we have a new Stephen King. Worst case, he either falls victim to the blades of the evil grass cutter, or takes the anguish felt from the mistrust of his father and propels himself towards a life of crime. I feel for the kid. I really do.