It has been quite some time since I have posted something new. And even LONGER since I've posted something worth reading lol. Anyways, this holiday break has been quite a roller-coaster. Christmas was wonderful. It was full of service, family and friends. I have to say Christmas of 2010 was the most special Christmas of my life so far because I was actually focusing on Christ. I loved it.
The rest of my holiday has been one to behold. Full of all-nighters with old friends and lots of good quality conversations about everything under the sun. However I was caught off guard by the wave of emotions, feelings, mindsets, goals, tendencies, etc, etc, that I haven't really noticed or dealt with since high school. It got me thinking about the growing up process, and when (or if) it ever even happens.
Disclaimer: You are reading the words of a guy who thinks one of the most philosophically deep movies of all time is Kung-Fu Panda -Yes thats right, and I'm sticking to it (keep an eye out for an entire post dedicated to that arguement)- so the case could very well be that I'm just immature by nature and disposition, and not much in the world will ever change that.
I'm still waiting on the day when my mind completely moves on from high school. I don't mean emotionally letting go of the glory days roaming the halls of your alma mater, I mean like the moment when you just start thinking differently. That moment when your knowledge of the "big picture" finally overcomes teenage "reasoning". Because as teenagers we pretend to know, understand, and make decisions based on "The Big Picture" (from now to be referred to as "TBP"), but in all reality, we end up making decisions naively based on hormones or something of the sort. I sure did. I expected it almost. I knew that most of the things I worried about were fairly trivial, but I still worried about them, because I'm a teenager. What I didn't expect, for some reason, was being 19 years old, two years out of high school, and pretty much feeling the exact same way. HOLD ON JUST A SECOND!!! When do I finally get to move on??
Maybe no one really does? Maybe we just pretend to? Maybe we find something or someone or somewhere that helps us forget? I'm not really sure. I know these are the years of "figuring it out" but I'm already kind of tired of it. I have no problem jumping off the high dive into the deep end, but I need to at least feel the water first. Unfortunately when the water is in reality the future that you will be creating, there is no preview allotted. Some people can't take a leap of faith because they don't trust a certain person or something of the sort. I am afraid of the leap because I don't really trust myself!
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