The Four Pillars of Terrible Christmas Music

I love Christmas. I love the weather. I love how people are in a good mood. I love the extra focus I have on Christ as I celebrate his birth. My favorite way to celebrate the season is through music. I absolutely LOVE Christmas hymns.I am the first to bust out my MOTAB Christmas albums every November. I would seriously sing them year round if people didn't yell things at me. I don't understand how some people get mad when they have to listen to the hymns about Christmas longer than they think is necessary. However notice this whole time I've been using the term "Hymns". You see I have a somewhat picky taste in Christmas music. I also like the cute traditional, secular (for lack of a better term) Christmas songs, but there are four types of Christmas songs that just totally bring out the Scrooge in me. Such as:

1. Any song sung by "The Chipmunks".

I hate to burst your bubble. But they aren't real. Its really just a bunch of strange people singing Christmas songs then dubbing their voices to sound ridiculously high. I just think its dumb, and it literally hurts my ears when songs are sung so high that only my Great Danes can fully understand what is being said.

2. Any song that involves a romantic relationship with Santa Clause.

I think songs like "Santa Baby" and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause" are incredibly creepy. Maintaining the innocence of an elderly man who sneaks in through everyone's chimney to leave gifts for little children requested through the post service is difficult enough in this world, so now we decide to add some love affair?  I don't understand. Santa is supposed to be a symbol of the spirit of giving. Now he's sneaking into homes to make out with another man's wife? Just hearing those songs make me feel more inclined to meet Santa at the chimney with a double barreled shotgun, NOT cookies and warm milk (which is totally gross btw).

3. Any other kind of Christmas love song.

There are exceptions to this rule I'm sure, I'm just not sure if I can think of any. Most songs of this nature are cheesy and lack originality. If I have to hear another song about only wanting "you" for Christmas, or using the weather as leverage in the debate over whether to stay the night (yes I'm talking to YOU Barry Manilow), I just might throw coal at someone

4. The depressing Christmas song.
"Christmas Shoes" falls into this category. I feel like a bad person for saying this, but I DO NOT like that song. Is it "touching"? I suppose you could say that. But is it necessary? I don't think so. Some may say its a reminder for us to reach out to the less fortunate during the Christmas season, which I have absolutely nothing against. But man, every time I hear that song I feel wayyyy more sad than any Christmas song should make me feel. The greatest motivation to reach out to the less fortunate for me is the spirit I feel when I hear songs about the savior, not necessarily "Christmas shoes". Please feel free to throw rocks at me. I probably deserve them.

Now to begin work on my next post titled "I Have No Heart". Just kidding....kinda.